If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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