well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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