ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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