What a fucking waste of an outfit
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
