My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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