I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
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How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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