A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
