I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
