My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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