So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
