If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
