so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
