another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
