There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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