singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
