1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
