new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
