If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
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I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
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Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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