Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize