Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is Oprah even human
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
