I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize