I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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