Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
my poor anus
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
