I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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