he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
