Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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