508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
