how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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