Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
