I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
