Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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