Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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