I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
