Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
