I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
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I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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