if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
