3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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