A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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