I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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