My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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