this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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