Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
