Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
