So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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