lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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