i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
