Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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