what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
