Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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