i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
