I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
