It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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