It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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