You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i out mim tonsoeep
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