belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
