the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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