I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
