Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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