i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
