I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
