I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am available for nakedness
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
