I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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