forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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