So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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