You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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