she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
