how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
