no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you are never too drunk for berry picking
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
