I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
