when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My cat gives me a boner
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
