i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
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Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
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I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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