he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
