the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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