Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
